For a pair of European - and world - football giants, these two haven't got much of a World Cup history. A wholly predictable 2-1 win for young Franz Beckenbauer and West Germany in 1966; a staggeringly tedious 2-1 win for the Germans while Spain were making a show of themselves at home in 1982; and a 1-1 group-stage giant meh which had no effect whatsoever on the 1994 tournament. That's not much of a return, is it?

Thinking about it some more, though, it's not much of a surprise. This is just another consequence of Spain's risible World Cup record. While Germany have spent most of the last 80 years getting to the quarters and beyond, Spain have spent their time either failing to qualify, failing to get past the group stage, or getting themselves knocked out by Italy. Of course they've not played each other.

Spain have, however, enjoyed the better of it in the European Championships at least. At Euro 1984, Antonio Maceda's late header put reigning Euro champs West Germany out, and signalled the end of Jupp Derwall's reviled reign. And then at Euro 2008, Fernando Torres scored the winner against Germany in the final as Spain ended 44 years of hurt and underachievement. Germany did put Spain out in Euro 88, it should also be noted, but nobody remembers that.

Anyway, by far the biggest chapter in Spain-Germany World Cup history begins this evening at: 7.30pm.

Depression o'clock: Just one game left after this. And of course I'm not counting the third-place play-off.

What Germany need to get on: Das battle mit fever.

What Spain need to get, according to the Guardian's go-to guy for all things Spanish, Sid Lowe: "Erm, don't know ... que se ponga la fiebre de batalla ... but that's just a nonsense, really."

Getting all the grief: Viktor Kassai (Hungary)

The stadium: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Durban.

The Curse Of The Guardian MBM Photo Subject (No 1 in a series of 1): Neither Fernando Torres nor Antonio Maceda, 53, have been selected in tonight's Spanish starting line-up! Here are the teams...

Germany replace suspended winger Thomas Mueller mit Piotr Trochowski. Miroslav Klose needs one more goal to draw level with Ronaldo (15) at the top of the all-time World Cup scoring list: Neuer, Lahm, Friedrich, Mertesacker, Boateng, Khedira, Schweinsteiger, Trochowski, Ozil, Podolski, Klose.
Subs: Wiese, Jansen, Aogo, Tasci, Kiessling, Badstuber, Kroos, Cacau, Marin, Gomez, Butt.

Spain promote Pedro, whose shot rebounded off the post for David Villa to score the winner in their quarter final against Paraguay: Casillas, Sergio Ramos, Pique, Puyol, Capdevila, Busquets, Alonso, Iniesta, Xavi, Pedro, Villa.
Subs: Valdes, Albiol, Marchena, Torres, Fabregas, Mata, Arbeloa, Llorente, Javi Martinez, Silva, Jesus Navas, Reina.

STAT SPECIAL with Kári Tulinius, doing my job so I don't have to: "Since Brazil defended its title in 1962," he writes, "the World Cup has alternated between Europe and South America, but this time it will pass from one European team to another. This will also be the first time since West Germany won in 1954 that Europe will have more World Cup titles than South America. If Spain wins tonight, this final will be the first time two teams that have never won the World Cup play each other since 1978. Also, of course, the first time a European team wins the title outside of Europe." You get the feeling he should be doing this?

CLOWNING AROUND not starring, for once, Howard Webb, but in fact Ray Kelly: "Which is the most ridiculous event that might occur this week?" he honks on his horn. "That Miroslav Klose becomes the greatest World Cup striker of all time, or that Ryan Babel has more World Cup winners medals than Johan Cruyff or Ferenc Puskas?" Just thank your lucky stars that English shower didn't make it this far, Ray'd have us here philosophising all day.

Pickity up ball from plinth! Out come the kids waving their bloody flags, followed by the referee, who picks up Kick Off Ball™ from Kick Off Ball Plinth™. And then the teams. All to that tune Fifa play before every match. What is it? It sounds like the music to the advert for Felix Happer's oil company in Local Hero. The old Esso ad, basically. Then the German and Spanish national anthems, both of which we know all about, both of which are stone-cold classics, albeit with a whiff of dubious old-school centralised pomp. Then the handshakes: shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shakity shake. We'll be off in a minute!

And we're off! Spain stroke it around the back for a minute or so. "While Kári Tulinius is clearly qualified to talk all things football, has he had the special MBM training in how to handle Gary Naylor?" asks Eddy Nason. We've sent him a whip and a chair in the post, Eddy, he should be up to speed by Euro 2012.

3 min: Germany have yet to touch the ball. Much. Spain are knocking it around in their own half an awful lot. They're trying to make a point here, it would seem. Anyway, here you go Kári, into the cage with you. "I like a stat as much as the next man," writes Gary Naylor, "but can we consign 'possession percentage' as a stat that has about as much relevance as 'aggregate shoe sizes'? Two minutes of good possession is worth 88 minutes of bad possession."

4 min: The game's stopped for a couple of seconds as some tool runs onto the pitch. "Look at me!" he's demanding, like an even stupider version of Jeremy Kyle. No thanks, Jez!

6 min: Pedro wheechs down the inside left channel. He reaches the byline but can't pull the ball back. Lahm is right up in his grille, covering. Here's Jello Biafra obsessed racounter Colin Young: "After Germany's humiliation of Engerland last week, a rather tipsy would be comedian leaned out of his passing car window and sang loudly to the assembled punters outside my local 'Kalifornia Uber Alles!, Kalifornia U-uber ALLES!. Which was funny enough, I guess. But then he managed to drive, rather slowly, into a parked car in an otherwise empty road. To which one disgruntled punter responded loudly: Yeah, but you're Too Drunk To Drive! Honk!"

7 min: Suddenly Spain burst into life, Pedro rolling a clever pass down the inside-right channel and into the box. Neuer is off his line and should claim, but he's slow and allows Villa to get a toe on the ball. Neuer saves with his chest, and the ball's cleared. But that was very close to the opening goal.

9 min: Germany haven't really started in this game at all yet. Spain are pinging it around an awful lot. They've spent the majority of this World Cup fannying around, but there's a bit more determination in their passing today. "Poor Kick Off Ball only lasted 2 mins 18 sec today," reports Karris Evans. It's always a tragic tale, isn't it? Too much too soon. The classic child star syndrome.

10 min: Klose chases down the left and makes Sergio Ramos's life a minor misery. The defender plays the ball across to Casillas, who dillies and dallies and is so nearly caught in possession by the incessant Klose. The keeper hacks away in time. Then, seconds later, Ozil is set clear down the inside-right channel, 30 yards out, but the play is preposterously stopped for offside. Spain were looking a wee bit sad and unhappy at the back for a minute there.

13 min: Still Spain pass it around a lot. Xabi Alonso is sitting in the centre of the park, dictating play this way and that. "This game starts on a sad note with Mueller missing," writes MC Deli, who'll presumably wrap a sandwich for you. "Why has nothing been said AFAIK about The Greatest Player in the World (TM) and his contribution to this scenario? Little Lionel deliberately handled with his forearm, the ball then bounced up and hit a surprised Mueller, also on the arm, and then Little Lionel furiously slapped his own arm in a bid to deceive. Messi conned the referee, Mueller got yellow and misses the biggest game of his career. The FIFA World Cup seems to stand for gamesmanship." Good point well made, but you're not calling it the FIFA World Cup, are you? Come on, man, get your act together!

14 min: This should have been the opener. Iniesta finds himself a yard down the right and whips a cross into the six-yard box. Puyol dives at full length, a real Keith Houchen, but though he connects with the header he sends the ball miles over the bar. What a chance!

16 min: Germany win their first corner of the game, down the right. Ozil swings it into the six yard box. Casillas comes out and flaps, and is lucky to guide it out on the left with three white shirts lurking and the net unguarded. From the second corner, coming in from the other side, Trochowski clips the ball into the danger zone but puts a wee bit too much on the cross, the ball sailing out of play.

19 min: Alonso strokes a delicious early-2005-at-Liverpool-era pass from the centre circle to the foot of Ramos out on the right wing. Ramos ridiculously tries to find the top-right corner from outside the area. Some respect, man! "So you're saying there's more determination in their fannying around?" asks Stuart Lawson. I didn't mean to, not exactly, but, er, probably did. So sue me! Still, Stuart doesn't seem to mind, thankfully. "That's the kind of insight you just don't get from Alan Shearer." You got that straight, baby. "Admittedly any insight is the kind of insight you just don't get from Alan Shearer, but still."

22 min: Beautiful play from Spain, Capdevila, Alonso and Pedro combining to spring Iniesta free down the left. He's in space, but there's nobody in the box to aim for. He wins a corner off Mertesacker, but the set piece is mopped up easily enough by Germany, who then break through Podolski, but that move is quickly jiggered after a clunkish pass to Ozil on the left. "Presumably shortly after the incident witnessed by Colin Young (6 min) a Police Truck arrived?" writes David Quantick Phil Sawyer. @And the would-be comedian felt Ill In The Head the next day?"

23 min: The New Gerd Muller twists on the edge of the Spanish area and so nearly breaks clear for a chance to become The New Ronaldo. But the ball's whipped off his toe at the last by Pique.

25 min: Ramos is this close to diddling clear into the box down the right, but Boateng - who has been given a fair old test by the Real Madrid player so far - trips him up. No free kick, though, causing Ramos to throw semaphore shapes. Boateng runs off with the ball in a sheepish manner. "Vicente del Bosque may have done Fabregas a favour by leaving him on the bench," begins one-line merchant Tony Waters. "It gives Cesc a taste of what life would be like at Barcelona." Ladies and gentlemen, he's here all week with his Catalan whimsy, try the paella.

28 min: Podolski is down after Ramos stood on his instep. That should have been a booking, Ramos was late, late, late. Podolski's in proper pain. Jansen is ordered to warm up on the touchline.

30 min: Podolski's back. Schweinsteiger clips a long ball forward for Ozil, but it's far too hard. Down the other end, Alonso has a dig from 25 yards, but it swerves well wide right. It's been mainly Spain, this, but there's the sense that Germany are perfectly happy with the way things are going, ready to sit back and spring forward when the chances come.

32 min: Trochowski cuts inside from the right and lets rip, his low fizzer being turned around the post by Casillas before it can creep into the bottom-right corner. Actually, the keeper made a bit of a meal of that. And from the corner, another flap from the Spanish keeper, who hasn't looked that great during this tournament. Puyol eventually heads clear after a second or two of heart-in-mouth drama for the Spanish. It was very similar to the second Dutch goal against Brazil, actually, in terms of defensive mess. Er, without ending in a goal, obviously.

34 min: Germany are beginning to grow into this game. In fact they look much more dangerous. Trochowski breaks down the left, then feeds Ozil, who wins a corner. Not much comes from it. Up the other end, the quiet Villa is in acres down the right, but Busquets can't find him with a crossfield pass.

37 min: "I've frankly grown tired of Spain's anti-football," writes Damien Neva. "I mean, if they'd just let Germany play rather than stifle their counterattacks with all that possession, then we'd have a really beautiful game." You've got that damn straight. Spain are playing a lot of their tiki-bullshita, and getting absolutely nowhere with it. Has Cesc Fabregas been embarrassed to talk about his time at Arsenal over dinner, or something? Germany have been far the more incisive side, albeit the bar's set low in a cagy game.

40 min: Capdevila curls a low cross in from the left. It's cleared. Capdevila loops in a high cross in from the left. It's cleared. Spain are getting nowhere here. "While I'd love to get paid to write about football, I'd hate to be responsible for sending you into this harsh job market," writes the very kind Kári Tulinius. I'll be sure to pass that love on. "Besides, the way my job-hunt has been going I'd probably lose out to Paul the octopus. I hate to admit it but he probably has better qualificications, or at least more limbs, for dealing with Gary Naylor."

42 min: Boateng, not for the first time, clatters into Ramos down the right, just outside the area. That's a free kick to the Spanish in a dangerous position. Here's a kwik kwiz:
Q1: Do Spain
(a) cross the ball into the box
(b) pass the ball to someone near the box
(c) attempt a complicated series of quick passes, the last of which disappears up a Spanish fundament?
ANSWER: You know the answer.

44 min: Spain win a corner down the right. It's wasted. This hasn't been much of a half of football, this. "Martin Tyler and Efan Ekoku have been discussing how they noticed none of the Spanish players sang the national anthem and are using this as an example of divisions in the camp," reports James Curley. "I think someone should point out the Spanish anthem has no words to sing."

HALF TIME: Germany 0-0 Spain. The half ends on a stroke of controversy. Ozil races toward the area with Ramos in hot pursuit. The Spanish defender clips the German's left heel as he reaches the area. It should be a penalty - or hold on, maybe just a free kick, it was this much outside the box. But nothing's given. There's just time for Pedro to lash in a low shot straight down Neuer's throat, and that's that for the half.

Spain: tiki-taka or tiki-bullshita? The debate"

"My theory is that Spain are far too good and that's why their games have been duds thus far in the tournament," opines Bobby Otter. "They pass it around looking for an opening, and in response the other team sits back and waits. When the other team does get the ball, they attempt to quickly counter, but usually this just ends up with the other team being offsides, giving up a goal kick, or touring the ball over in a few seconds. And then it's back to Spain connecting the dots. Maybe if other teams actually held the ball and forced Spain to defend, we'd actually see a great game feature Spain. Or if a Spanish player actually took a run at an opposing defender one of these days." It's a long set-up, that, but worth it.

"Watching these Spanish midfielders faffing about changing their mind (Pedro, Iniesta, Xavi) reminds me of the yeah-but-no-but spiel of Vicki Pollard," writes Simon Frank. "I like to consider myself reasonably cultured, but can't Iniesta one time just put his foot through the damned thing?"

"Nothing anti-football about how the Spanish are playing," writes Jedidjah de Vries, who may just have taken Damien Neva's comments a tad too literally. "You English may have forgotten this, but in football one is supposed to pass the ball around and build up one's attacks, not just stumble and give the ball away."

"Ok lots of tiki taka bullshit," admits Spanish fan Egacebo, "but in the meantime Germany has had the ball around four minutes." Shh, don't mention that too loudly, you might wake Gary Naylor up.

And we're off again! Within a minute, Klose is twisting and turning on the edge of the Spanish area. He's so close to breaking into the area, but for the second time in the game, the ball's whipped off his toe at the last.

48 min: Pedro sashays down the inside right channel. It's a lovely run. The minute he reaches the area, he turns and lays the ball off inside to Alonso, who pulls a low shot wide left. A nice open feel to this half, which is admittedly only three minutes old.

50 min: Alonso is determined to score from distance today, it seems. Ramos twists awhile down the right. The ball's rolled inside to Xavi, who deftly feathers the ball into the road of the incoming Alonso, who hammers a low shot just wide right from 20-odd yards. That's closer than the attempt of two minutes ago, but not close enough. Give it five and one should be nestling in the net; Spain have started this half very strongly, Klose's early mania notwithstanding.

52 min: A perplexed Boateng is replaced by Jansen. Most people in the stadium thought the slightly limping Khedira was coming off. It's a straight swap. All (i.e. both) of Spain's dangerous moves in this half have come down that wing, so Joachim Low clearly has the radge on about something.

55 min: Guy Mowbray and Mark Lawrenson are having a childish argument on the BBC. "You can say that," Mowbray tells Lawrenson, aproros some opinion or other of Lawro's. "Just did," snaps the co-commentator. About a minute later, out of nowhere, Lawrenson asks Mowbray if anything is wrong. Last night on ITV, the solo flying Clive Tyldesley proved pretty much conclusively in Jim Beglin's absence that commentary is vastly improved without an idiot jabbering on in the background. If there was any doubt, it's just been quashed now. On the pitch, incidentally, Spain are tapping it around a lot but, yes, they're getting nowhere.

58 min: Suddenly, some brilliance from the Spanish. Pedro takes a hack from distance after some EFFECTIVE TIKI-TAKA!!! Iniesta is onto a beautiful backflick by Alonso down the inside left channel. The angle's tight, even though only Neuer is to beat, so he whips the ball across the face of goal. Villa slides in, Gazza against Germany at Euro 96 style, but can't quite get his toe on the ball. That was beautiful play.

60 min: Jansen digs out a wonderful cross from near the corner flag on the left. Klose's on the spot with his back to goal; he swivels and shoots over. This is suddenly hectic, and end to end to boot.

62 min: A second change for Germany: Kroos for Trochowski.

63 min: Alonso, who's been quarterbacking brilliantly for Spain, whips a ball through the area from the left wing, 30 yards out. Ramos races to latch onto it. Podolski tracks back. Both fall over. There's a massive scream for a penalty, but nothing doing. Spain don't really complain, and there does seem next to no contact. We move on.

66 min: This game is stretched now, a state of affairs that'll surely favour Spain's better passers. Xabi Alonso and Xavi combine to release Capdevila down the left, the latter spraying a beautiful ball down the wing. Mertesacker heads the resulting cross clear. A few seconds later, Villa cuts inside from the right and smacks a low ball towards the near corner; Neuer is all over it. "Criticising Spain's patient, cerebral build-up play and Iniesta's peerless passing is like complaining that Nick Drake's 'Way To Blue' doesn't have a drum solo," writes Nick Pettigrew. "Peasants, the lot of you." OK. Though we can at least agree it would have been livened up with a touch of fatback clavinet, yes?

69 min: Klose digs a ball across the face of the German goal from the left, 12 yards out. Cutting inside from the right, Kroos meets the ball first time, sidefooting with his right towards the bottom right corner. That's a very decent effort with his first touch of the game, and one met well by Casillas, who parries clear. This is very open now.

71 min: For the first time in the half, Spain have to soak up a bit of pressure. Germany win a corner, waste it, then knock the ball around the back for a while Das tik und tak!

73 min: GOAL!!! AND A RIGHT OLD-FASHIONED ONE AT THAT!!! Germany 0-1 Spain. Iniesta Willie Waddels down the left, and wins a corner off Lahm. Xavi snaps the corner out to the edge of the six-yard box, where Puyol crashes an IMMENSE header into the top-right corner. That's a wonderful header. And one totally not in keeping with Spain's style of football. That's sport for you, right there!

75 min: Germany look shocked, and no wonder. Not only are Spain now with one foot in the final, they've put it there with a hammer blow of a goal. Every German would have felt that Puyol header like a fist in the solar plexus.

77 min: It's cup fitba at the max, this. End to end. Villa sniffs around a bouncing ball on the edge of the German area, forcing Friedrich to clear. Kroos swings two balls into the area from the left in the space of five seconds, but both are slapped clear by the heroic forehead of Puyol.

79 min: A crazy bout of head tennis on the edge of the Spanish box. Then a bit of German tik-und-tok. But suddenly the ball's hacked clear, and Villa's one on one with Friedrich! The defender puts in a staunch shift, and holds the Spanish striker up, guiding him inside where Mertesacker comes along to help. That was very close to the final nail in the German coffin.

80 min: Khedira is replaced by Mario Gomez, for Germany's last throw of the dice. Meanwhile Spain throw on Fernando Torres for... David Villa!!! A strange change on the face of it, but with all this space at the back, Torres may be the man to exploit it.

82 min: This is pathetic by Pedro, who scoots free down the right. Friedrich is the only man back. He comes across to the Spanish player. Torres is free in the middle. The ball has to be rolled across, but Pedro sees the headlines, twists in an attempt to beat his man, and sees the ball spirited away from him. He desperately claims for a foul - there wasn't one - but only it would seem to deflect attention from his ludicrous decision making. Meanwhile there's a full-blown nuclear meltdown featuring Torres in the middle.

84 min: Schweinsteiger goes over a challenge from Puyol on the edge of the area. It should be a free kick, but nothing's given. Meanwhile Pedro is given the hook by Vicente del Bosque, replaced by Silva.

87 min: Lahm hoicks a ball into the Spanish area from the right. There's three men in the area, but Casillas punches clear with confidence. "This is one for the PIGS (Portugal, Ireland, Greece and Spain - Europe's economic basketcases)," opines Mark Tran, of this parish. "Serves Angela Merkel right for being tightfisted."

88 min: Torres has half a chance to release Silva in the centre. He Pedros it. Gomez sends the ball up the other end. Puyol delivers it straight back with an immense hoof, real no-nonsense defending. Fans of 1980s football will be loving this.

89 min: Spain are pushing Germany back, Xavi, Iniesta, Torres and Silva all taking turns to twist down the left and win a series of corners. "Gabriel Fawcett is watching this game in Berlin. "Octopus on the grill, my place, tomorrow, promises a German behind me. If I was Paul, I'd be worried. All kinds of wild Teutonic threats around me against the 'hideous squid' for jinxing the match."

90 min: There will be three added minutes of this. Spain have really ramped it up in this second half, finally delivering when they really needed to. Can they see the job out?

90 min +1: Germany can't get the ball up the Spanish business end. Spain can't keep hold of it when they break things up.

90 min +2: Puyol, the hero of the hour, hoofs the ball upfield and out of play. No subtlties. Marchena replaces Alonso to eat up a few more seconds. Spain are seconds away from their first-ever World Cup final!!!

AND THAT'S IT!!! SPAIN, AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS OF UNDERACHIEVEMENT, HAVE REACHED A WORLD CUP FINAL!!! Germany 0-1 Spain. There will be a new name on the World Cup after Sunday's final: the Netherlands v Spain. Germany crash to the floor as a man, but soon get up, a sense of pride at giving the 2010 World Cup a real tilt quickly kicking in. And maybe a desire to eat some very battered squid. Spain, meanwhile, cavort like nutcases. And why not. They deserved to win that game, with a determined second-half display after a meandering first period. Yet another Spain-Germany match that won't make the pantheon. Like Spain will care. They'll be favourites for the final, as they've been for every match in the tournament so far. To think they were worried about going out after that ludicrous Switzerland defeat! And yet there's still a sense that Spain haven't quite found top gear yet (though they nearly did in that second half). Holland, watch out?