Chapter 1
How to Manage Your Mind: Brain 101
“I used to think the brain was the most important organ in the body, until I realized who was telling me that.”
—EMO PHILIPS, COMEDIAN
One of the most effective things I do in therapy is to explain how the brain works. If you are going to get the best out of your brain, then you need to know a little bit more about that thing sitting between your ears. It’s the most powerful machine in the world, yet we really don’t understand how to manage it. Someone needs to hand out instruction manuals at birth. Read on for the lowdown on the brain.
The Beginning
Cast your mind back. Imagine you are a cavewoman sitting outside your cave, enjoying a beautiful sunset, with a gentle smile on your face.
Now imagine being torn to shreds by the bear hiding in the trees by your cave. Because that’s what happened to people who sat around chilling out. They got mauled by bears. Or lions. Or whatever roamed about looking for human snacks.
Our ancestors survived, and passed on their genes, by being super-duper hypervigilant and looking out for danger everywhere. They were a nervy bunch. But it made sense if you think about the very real threats to physical survival back then. Better to be safe than sorry and all that.
No matter that a lot of the time you didn’t really see a snake in the corner of your cave, just your handbag strap (they had bags, right?), it still paid off to be very, very cautious, and so your brain evolved into a highly alert “don’t get killed” machine. That’s its job, and it’s why your ancestors survived and why you are here. So, thanks for that, ancestors.
Now, it gets trickier. As humans began to live in groups for survival, they fared better. They were safer and more likely to survive and pass on their genes.
So now the other crucial concern our great-, great-, great-, etc., grandmothers had was to not get shunned by the group. We simply wouldn’t have survived in those conditions on our own—who would kill something for us to eat if we were alone and poorly? A bit like getting someone to nip out to the store for you when you’re self-isolating. Or hungover.
In Gear for Fear
Your brain is in gear for fear, and the bit of the brain most responsible for that is your amygdala. The amygdala, an unassuming little thing the size of an almond, kickstarts you into action if it thinks there’s a clear and present threat. It shouts, “This is not a drill!” very loudly in your brain. It’s one of the bits of your brain that evolved first, and its main interest is survival because that’s the only thing that mattered. Your amygdala will put your brain and your body into high alert by initiating the fight-or-flight response. Your amygdala is important, and has helped humans to survive and evolve, but it’s not the most sophisticated protagonist in your brain. It acts first and doesn’t really ask any questions later.
The fight-or-flight response is evolution’s way of keeping you alive. If you sense danger, then you either need to leg it or put up a fight—all your physiological responses are geared toward doing this. Your muscles tense, your heart beats faster, your breathing becomes shallow, your thoughts race … hang on … isn’t that anxiety? Yes. The symptoms of anxiety are the same because, well, they’re kind of the same thing. Your brain will respond in the same way to modern-day threats or stress (fears about coronavirus, work, family, status, money, health, being rejected—you name it) in a similar way to being attacked by bears. Hence being very worried about public speaking in front of your boss or overthinking a relationship crisis can trigger a fight or flight response.
The Wise Woman in Your Brain
If only you had a pal in your brain to help calm your amygdala down and manage stress … Well, you do! Your prefrontal cortex is like the wise woman of your brain. I like to imagine mine as Michelle Obama, but you could choose, say, Ruth Bader Ginsberg or Maya Angelou. It’s situated just behind your forehead. You can give it a little stroke if you like, to show your appreciation.
The PFC is what makes us uniquely human. It’s the “new” part of the brain, the part that has evolved more recently as we have started to live in more complex groups. Unlike your amygdala, this is the sophisticated part of the brain. This newer part of the brain can solve problems, plan ahead and inhibit impulses. It’s the part that has helped scientists find a vaccine for COVID-19.
The PFC has access to information from your current situation and your past, so it can help you make good, effective choices in the face of stress. The problem is that it responds more slowly in the face of a threat than your amygdala, which has activated your fight-or-flight system before you can even say “prefrontal cortex.” But don’t panic: I will be showing you how to keep your amygdala in check so you can use your PFC buddy to better effect.
So your PFC is just super, but—of course there’s a but—its ability to think about what will happen in the future (which is what problem-solving is) and to have access to past experiences means that it’s also the part of us that can agonize about the past, catastrophize about the future and compare ourselves unfavorably with others.
This Modern Life
So, we’ve got a problem. Our old brains are still geared for fear, plus we have new brains that can worry about the future and agonize about the past. But there are no saber- toothed tigers or lions or snakes anymore. There’s something worse: the modern world.
To our minds, the modern world has as many threats as it’s ever had. And we respond in similar ways, which aren’t always that helpful. A cavewoman looks out for life-threatening danger, and our modern minds do the same by asking, “What if I fail? Is it worth the risk?” A cavewoman doesn’t use up energy unless it’s crucial. Our modern minds tell us not to risk something unless we can be sure of the outcome.
A cavewoman thinks “I am not foraging in there, my friend. It went horribly wrong last time.” Our modern minds say, “Who do you think you are? Once a failure, always a failure.” Add in a sprinkling of comparing yourself to others on social media (because you are built to fear rejection by the group), and your mind will go into threat overdrive.
So your mind isn’t trying to screw you and your life plan up; it’s trying to save you from pain, because that’s what it’s evolved to do, but it’s making a bit of a mess of it. Now that you know that your mind is well-meaning but anti-risk in any form, you can handle some of the stuff it comes out with more effectively so it doesn’t hold you back. You can absolutely learn to manage your amygdala and get the best out of your PFC to respond effectively to stress.
In the following chapters I am going to teach you the skills that are crucial to being stressilient in the modern world—how to manage your thoughts and feelings so they don’t hold you back, and how to live a better, more fulfilling life in the face of stress.
BOTTOM LINE
Brains have evolved to spot danger and to protect you from harm. This is great when chased by tigers, lions and bears, but less good when tackling modern day threats.
Old Brains (Don’t get killed/rejected) + New Brains (What if I get rejected like last time/What if I get killed) + Modern Life (I will fail, I am a loser, I can’t do this) = Tricky Minds that need managing properly with approaches based on science. Now, that’s a bumper sticker I’d like.
Copyright © 2023 by Sam Akbar