Billy Zane is the True Hero of ‘Titanic’

It’s been almost 21 years since Titanic hit theaters, and changed movies forever. The doomed romance between Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Rose (Kate Winslet) has captivated audiences for decades with its mix of epic spectacle and intimate moments between the two heartthrob leads. Quotable lines, a soaring soundtrack, and moments so iconic they inspired the most embarrassing dialogue break in a Britney Spears song ever, the movie is indisputably the king of the cinematic world.

But has enough time passed that we can all agree Billy Zane is the true hero of Titanic?

First of all, he’s Billy Zane. You know: Billy Zane? The man Derek Zoolander once told, “You rock”? Instant advantage over Leonardo DiCaprio, who starred in that movie about grapes or whatever.

Second of all, let’s talk about his character, who I’m sure has a name but for the purposes of this article we’ll refer to as Billy Zane. In case you’ve forgotten, he’s the heir to a steel fortune taking his fiancé on the journey of a lifetime aboard the maiden voyage of the Titanic. That’s amazing! Could you imagine if your betrothed took you on a clearly expensive ocean liner journey, first class all the way? And not only that, but the maiden voyage of the Titanic, the greatest vessel to ever sail the seas? That would be an incredible gift, surely something you’d remember your entire life.

And if that wasn’t enough, Billy Zane also gifts her the Heart of the Ocean, a priceless heirloom embedded with a rare diamond, one so valuable that decades later treasure hunters are still searching the wreck of the Titanic for it! Again, an incredibly nice thing to do.

So what does Rose, his intended, do in response? She fucks a homeless man she’s just met in a car and steals Billy Zane’s necklace.

I mean, what the hell, Rose. Not cool. Not even remotely cool.

Granted, Billy Zane behaves a tad snobbishly towards the homeless man, Jack. I get it, that’s not that nice a quality. But at the same time, there’s a clearly delineated separation on the boat between the people who paid an exponential amount of money to experience everything it has to offer, and the people who are sleeping by the coal chutes to save a little change. Imagine for the moment you’re eating dinner at the fanciest French restaurant in town, you’ve had reservations for months, you had to prepay, and then suddenly a smelly homeless man wanders into the restaurant and starts fucking your fiancé. You’d probably react a little snobbishly, too.

And all this is well and good to explain why Billy Zane is actually a pretty okay guy in the movie, and Jack is definitely a villain. But it doesn’t explain why he’s the real hero of Titanic. That’s because he stops Jack from stealing the necklace, and manages to lock him up, and get the necklace back. Real hero stuff! Only as soon as the boat starts sinking, Rose runs away. What does Billy Zane do? Does he leave with his mother and head to safety? Nope, he sees the criminal who stole his fiancé, and proceeds to come up with a clever plan to thwart him. While Jack is panicking, unable to save this woman he says he loves, Billy Zane takes action. He tells Jack that he’s arranged passage for them on a lifeboat, gets Rose aboard, and then informs Jack the boat is just for them.

Good work, Billy Zane! You’ve saved Rose, and stopped that dastardly villain Jack from ever stealing again.

And then Rose, who I might remind you cheated on Billy Zane and robbed him, jumps off the lifeboat! Turns out, she was a bad apple all along. So our hero does what any hero must do: at risk of his own life, he runs around an ocean liner that is cracking in half after slamming into an iceberg, and tries to get the priceless necklace they stole back. The villains manage to escape, and heartbroken, Billy Zane returns to deck. There, he rescues a lost child and takes them to safety on a lifeboat.

Let me reiterate: he rescues a lost child. You could have pumped the Céline Dion at that point and rolled the credits, and had a perfect movie. But nope, there’s more pain to lump on poor Billy Zane.

So while Billy Zane is floating away, what does Jack do? Dies. He dies. And he leaves Rose to die, floating on a wooden panel in icy waters. But true to horror movie form, Rose survives. The worst part? Cal is still looking for her on the rescue boat that takes them back to New York. After everything she did to him, everything she stole, Billy Zane still loves her and wants to be with her.

Meanwhile, Jack’s waterlogged corpse probably exploded at the bottom of the ocean after getting ripped apart by fish, a fitting end to the villain of the movie.

So all hail Billy Zane, the true hero of Titanic. You rock.

Stream Titanic on Showtime Anytime